LAPD will shoot you

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[00:00:28] Eat what? I'm sweeping a pear. Yeah, I know. Yummy. I'm Jason and that's Jack. He stutters. I don't. But I'm massively dyslexic. Both of us are hairdressers with years of stories to tell. And this is Shit I Told My Hairdresser.

[00:00:57] Hello, everybody. Welcome back. Welcome back, Jack. How are you? Thank you for welcoming me. Oh, that was... No, I said how are you. You're so welcome. I'm not welcoming you. Welcome everybody else. Oh, okay. Everybody, not you. No one cares about you. I mean, how are you, Jack? I did feel welcome for one moment. Well, that fleeting moment has definitely passed, hasn't it? Thank you. I'm glad it's passed. Yep. How are you? How are you?

[00:01:26] Why would you even ask me something like that? You know I'm going to answer. Because I really don't care. You don't? Well, I'm not going to answer, though. Something interesting, though. I just saw in news like a week ago that... You still watch the news? Who watches the news anymore? I read news mostly, and I watch news. I've tuned. I've tuned out. This is actually something I've read. And by the way, I don't watch American news usually anyway.

[00:01:57] Yeah, I know, right? I just watch BBC. Yeah. I do actually read news a lot. And so someone I know from years ago got shot by the police. Oh. Yeah. Was she with our old former boss, Chris, in a police chase or smoking crack in the car or something like that? No, actually...

[00:02:21] Because that's not one of the people we seem to be hanging out with. People who are smoking crack in the car and then came to a police chase and then launched their car into a house. That's not what was happening, even though he did that like in the 90s. That was late 90s. So this was about 21 years ago, and I worked with this girl at Chris's shop. And so... Well, that makes perfect fucking sense, doesn't it? Well, yeah, yeah.

[00:02:48] Yeah. You had to be insane to work there. I worked there. Like we... Well, yeah, and... You worked there. We're both fucking insane. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. There's something... Something has to be wrong with you to work inside that salon. Especially right after it opened. This is in a group of us who worked there after like a year. I was assisting Chris, and there was another girl who was assisting the guy who worked right next to him. Uh-huh. Georgie.

[00:03:17] And he helped him out for a little while. Her name's Jillian. Uh-huh. And he was with the drummer of Weezer. Do you know that band? Oh my God, I just... I just... Yeah, I just read about this actually. Right. So... Oh, shit. You worked with her? Yeah, yeah. She was a hairdresser? Yeah. I looked her up to see like what was happening and everything. Because what happened...

[00:03:46] A news article was something like, wife of Weezer drummer shot by police. So I was like, wait, I know her. That's what I saw. I saw that headline. So I looked it up and I was like, I didn't know they were married now. You know, they were just like together 21 years ago or whatever. And so I looked her up and she had like written a book about her life. Like she lived in a harem. What?

[00:04:14] With like some prints of some... I don't even know where. She was in a harem. Yeah, yeah. She lived in a harem, wrote a book about it. She's actually written a lot of books. And so there was no mention of being a hairdresser, right? But was she in the harem before or after she was at the hair salon? Before. So... How old was she when this happened? Because that was... This is like... I don't know. She's almost exactly my age. So... Yeah. So like...

[00:04:44] Well, I looked it up. Yes, exactly. Like... Oh my God. No, she must... Like thinking about like if someone who lives in a harem, chances are they're really young. Not like... Yeah. Teenager. But almost, you know? And so... Oh, yeah. So... I think in certain countries, I don't think they give a shit about you being 18 or not. No. That's for fucking sure. But when I worked with her, both of us were like 30 years old. So...

[00:05:14] Okay. She had already done this. All right. And then... So... She didn't work very long, you know? Like at the salon. She only helped him out every once in a while. And her husband, I guess, is... He would pop around every once in a while. And that's how I knew that she was with a guy who's in Weezer. And so... She's had an interesting life. But what... No shit. What's even more interesting is that she made news for being shot by police.

[00:05:44] So... They have video of all this. And something happened. Like... She might have even called the cops herself, thinking that somebody was breaking in. And who knows what drama was happening in her life. You know? She might have had a stalker or maybe her husband had one. I have no idea. I'm just speculating of why she would call the cops herself. So... No, but I saw... There was an accident. And it was involving three cars.

[00:06:14] And people got out of these cars and just ran. And so the police are trying to chase down the people... Oh, is that what it was? That's what happened. Yeah. So I saw the story. Because I was talking to my wife the other day. And I saw the story pop up. And I go, oh, that's kind of an odd thing. Because it popped up that they lived in Eagle Rock. Right. And I was like... You never hear stories about Eagle Rock in Los Angeles. You know? Rarely. You know where it is. You've heard of it? Yeah. I know Eagle Rock.

[00:06:44] Been there. Yeah. I've been in Eagle Rock. Yeah. Yeah. You never hear it mentioned in a news story. So, yeah. Because nothing happens there. Right. They have really good fucking tacos. That's it. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's Eagle Rock. You go for the tacos. Yeah. But it was just one of those things where I went through and I started like... I saw the news article. So I watched it. You know? And it was just like... It was some guy. They went running. And people were jumping into backyards.

[00:07:13] And some guy went through and took all of his clothes off. Into his boxer shorts. And was like hanging out next to like someone's pool. And started watering their garden. So that way he was trying to blend in. So people were... You know... You hear the helicopters. And the police are everywhere. And it just so happens that she goes to her backyard holding a gun, by the way. Right. Yeah. And you can see the gun in her hand. She's walking around. And they are telling her to please put the gun down.

[00:07:42] And she doesn't. She does not. No. Like eventually they... They... And well... I think what happened was that they saw her cock it. And that means it's on. They just like... Shot her. You don't pull a trigger back. He actually held it up. You don't do that unless you're ready. Oh, yeah. He held it up. She had it out. I saw the video. Yeah. She had it out. So you could see it. You know? You could see it in her hand. You know? And if you're going to go through and pull that trigger back. Yeah.

[00:08:12] It's on. You know? That's not something that you do. So the cops are afraid that she might be shooting. And they don't know who she is. You know? It's not like, oh, hey. You want to let's give her the benefit of the doubt because you're married to one of the guys from Weezer. They have no fucking clue. Now listen... But here's the thing. They're going through. And they identified themselves. And they're telling her. Right. We're here to help you. But they spent like a good two minutes at least, I heard, on... Video. Maybe longer. Because the video was edited.

[00:08:43] But they warned her. Told her. She may not have heard it. She may have heard it. Bullshit. And just totally ignored it. Okay. I'm going to call a little bullshit on this one. Because let me tell you. I've been in a situation where I've had guns put in the fuck in my head. And we've told this story before about the invasion that I had. Right. When it's someone who's going to cause you harm, you don't know what's coming. When it's the police, you hear the rage. Radio's. They're announcing who they are. It's loud. Yeah.

[00:09:12] You know, when the police are coming, you know it's the police. You know what I mean? You just know. They let you know. Otherwise, you're dead. They don't want to shoot you. Or most of them don't. Anyway. Most of them. Right. Yeah. Some do. Some do. You know what I mean? But it was like... I got to be fair to the ones who want to shoot people. Yeah. You're not left out. Yeah. They're like, God damn it. This is a white lady this time. God damn it. No. But so, yeah.

[00:09:41] I don't know how someone has such an interesting life like that. But she just attracts drama, maybe. I don't know. Isn't that most hairdressers, though? I mean, I know she's not a hairdresser now. We don't even really know if she's a hairdresser. They're not mentioning that. But she's had so many other... But you used to work with her. Yeah. But I know other people who work in salons who don't have licenses or anything. You know? They may know how to do it.

[00:10:11] So she's had so much happen in her life. Being a hairdresser, didn't even make her list on Wikipedia. That's how low the scale it was? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. So... Yeah. That's how low it is. All right. What does her Wikipedia page say? What was she doing? Well, she wrote a lot of books. She wrote one about life in a harem. That was actually her first one. And it was Some Girls, My Life in a Harem. Wow. And now...

[00:10:40] Imagine that to being a hairdresser and then writing books. Maybe we should have her on the show. I don't know. Yeah. I would love to. Maybe let's wait until he heals up and then... Yeah. This just happened. She's just... Yeah. Yeah. She's more into... Her latest book is about a serial killer. Oh, wow. Maybe more than one. I don't know. It's something about that.

[00:11:06] So, you know, if you're writing books about killers, you have guns in your house because you know what could happen. So she was ready for it. Yeah, she was. You want to know what, though? It's the LAPD. They do shoot back. When they tell you to put a fucking gun down, put the fucking gun down. You know? I didn't have my guns out when they came knocking at my door. Yeah. That's for fucking sure. Now I have a kid. They're at my cousin's house.

[00:11:35] They're in a safe somewhere else. Oh, yeah. LAPD. Fuck that. And we're back.

[00:12:00] So speaking of investigations and police, I had my own little investigation one time with a client that came in. You ever have one of those clients where they're kind of offstandish when they sit in your chair a little bit and kind of apprehensive? And it's not that often like some way that happens, you know, but some people... This happened to me. Like how was she acting weird? She was acting really strange when she sat in my chair.

[00:12:29] I could tell she had like the remnants of a black eye and it looked like she'd been in a scuffle. You know what I mean? Like something happened and she had her hair pulled up. And when I went to go touch her hair, she pulled away from me. And I was like, oh, that's kind of odd that usually that people, when they sit in my chair or we're about to do a haircut, pull their hair down out of a ponytail or allow me to touch their head because they know I'm about to actually physically touch them. Yeah.

[00:12:56] I mean, they go see a hairdresser and he touches their hair. Correct. It's not as if it's out of context. No, it's pretty normal. Yeah. Okay. And now, so she was like, just, she looked at me. She was like, kind of give, give me a moment. I'm like, yeah, sure. Like, what's, can you want to tell me what's going on? And she was like, well, I've been kind of traumatized, you know what I mean? And, uh, about my, my last haircut. And I'm like, well, I, I know that very well.

[00:13:26] I'm, I fixed plenty of fucked up haircuts and, you know, I've seen people get traumatized. Shit. We know people have been sued for fuck's sake, you know? So we get it. We know trauma and hair, you know? And she was like, no, not like that. And I'm like, all right. She finally calmed down a bit, took her hair out of the ponytail. I'm all, do you mind if I take a comb through and take a look at it? And she was like, sure. So I'm looking at it and I'm like, who, what happened? Like who cut your fucking hair?

[00:13:55] This is terrible. I've never seen anybody have a haircut this bad. Is it really that bad? Dude, it was like stringy bits here and there. It was like. Being like dramatic. Like you have the worst hair I've ever seen. Oh, it was that bad. I mean, literally it was like, what could have been worse if someone set her hair on fire? You know what I mean? It was like that bad. Yeah. It was just stringy and just like chopped into. And I'm like, did you like, who did this? And she finally stopped.

[00:14:25] She turns around. She looked at me. She was like, I don't know if you've been paying attention to the news, but I've been one of the victims of the guy who's been attacking women and cutting off their hair. And I went, what? What? Was the guy doing that? Yes. So this guy was going through assaulting women. He was basically attacking them and then wrestling them to the ground.

[00:14:48] And then he would take out these large pair of scissors, large handle scissors, like the, like yarn scissors, you know, the orange handle kind, you know, that women normally cut their bangs with. Sewing scissors. Yeah. Correct. Yeah. You know, and then he would go through and he would cut off their hair and then he would eat it afterwards. He would eat the hair. He would eat it. Incredible. And then run away. These are just random. Just random people. It was happening all over like Orange County and LA during this time.

[00:15:18] And I mean, I remember in the news and I could not believe that one of the victims is now sitting in my chair at this point. There was a guy who was like cutting off, um, ponytails, you know, remember that we actually talked about this in another episode early on, I'd be like a year ago or longer. And so. And this shit is still happening. I actually Googled it to try to find the story and it's happening in London. It's happening in Australia. It's happening all over the place.

[00:15:47] It still happens. But he's eating it. But this guy was eating it. Yes. Does he eat it there or does he take it to go? Both. Like is he dining in or is it take out? Yeah. No, it was, it was, yeah, it was, it was, it was a dine and dash. That's for sure. A dine and dash. And then he dashed with it as well. I see. He had a, she had a lot of hair. It was really, really thick. And that's who he went after was women who had like really thick hair. And she did.

[00:16:17] She was like Middle Eastern, gorgeous dark hair. And he just held her down. Started cutting her hair, eating it in front of her and then running away with fistfuls of hair. Eating it in front of her. Yeah. Wow. Like it's almost like taunting her. Like, Hey, this is your hair and now it's in my tummy. Yeah. Which I don't know if people know this, but you know, your body cannot digest hair. Well, listen, I know that. Does he know that?

[00:16:48] Obviously he doesn't. Who knows? I mean, maybe he got hair in his like poop or something. Who knows? Well, like I've heard of people ripping hair out, but that's usually celebrities. You know, it's like if a Beatlemania, Paul McCartney would have his hair pulled, you know, or Jim Morrison, people would rip his hair out. They weren't eating it though. No. They just loved him so much, you know. Right. They needed something off of their body.

[00:17:18] So this guy, he just, I wonder how he. And it was, it was a good, like, I remember it was at least like eight women. He assaulted this way. Wow. You know? And it was, and they all said that he was eating their hair. Yeah. And then running away with it with fistfuls of hair. And I'm like combing it up. And I'm talking like, I was like, now it made sense. What did it look like?

[00:17:44] I was like, I was ready to go through and, you know, talk shit about some hairdresser fucking up her hair. You know what I mean? And then I come to realize that wasn't the case. You know, it was some guy actually attacked her, held her down, started chopping it all off and putting it in his mouth and just like, you know, running away with it. So she was like. What did her hair look like? Dude, it was fucked up.

[00:18:06] I mean, it was like, he's just, you could tell that he was holding it out and just like kind of running the scissors across, just chopping it off. So it was like kind of strenging all the outside. If she were standing or laying there, maybe, maybe he knocked her down. He did knock her down. Yeah. But that was all the bruising that he gave her a black eye. He punched her. He knocked her to the ground and like, really, she spent a few days in the hospital.

[00:18:35] Beat her up enough to where he can get a hold of her hair and take it off. So he would cut enough of it off to where he's happy and then he would eat it right there or say he would have like a taste. He would have a bite and the rest of it, he would run off with it. Yeah. It was like a hair doggy bag. Yeah. Fucking weirdo. I wonder who. So has he picked all different types of women? I guess it's women. It was just women. Yeah.

[00:19:06] I can't imagine him saying some kind like, oh, his man pun looks real tasty. That wasn't happening. So. No. But I have heard of that. I remember that was a thing for a while. Oh, yeah. Where people were chasing guys down with man buns and cutting it off. Yeah. I support that, actually. I do, too. Yeah.

[00:19:27] Now, if you're, if anybody's going to get their hair cut off, any guy who's still wearing a man bun definitely deserves someone going through and yanking their hair up and cutting it straight off. You can assault them. That I have no problem with. Hey, I don't know about that. Just cut their bun off. Cut their bun off. Yeah, cut the bun off. That's it. Assault their hair. That's not an assault. That is a public service, I think. That's true. Right. Yeah.

[00:19:54] You're not going to hurt my eyes anymore with those fucking man buns. Jesus. We used to work with the guy who thought he invented that. The man bun. Really? You know. Yeah. He had it all over social media. Like, he was the one who invented the man bun. I was like, oh, God. You're kidding. No. I think I know who you're talking about. Yeah. Mr. All covered in tattoos with a sister. That doesn't really narrow down. He felt like the sister little girl that fell in love with you. The curly hair. Oh, yeah. Oh, I know who you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:20:24] Yeah. He's part of a product line now. He's the creator of the man bun. You know. The creator of the man bun. That had never happened before. And it's like, it's only been worn by like. Douchebag. Oh, but throughout history, there's like historical figures wore the, you know, just like, whether it's in China or like the Buddha had a man bun. Douchebag. Oh, well.

[00:20:53] Some people would disagree with you. But why eat the hair? That's why I can't get through my head. Why? I don't know. I mean. I know there's a lot of people out there that do weird shit. Like there's a woman who eats like aluminum foil. You know, you ever watch those shows, you know what I mean, where people have like these weird addictions. That's more of us. Like someone's like sniffing talcum powder. Well, I think all of us have sniffed. No, it's like snorting. Like snorting and like.

[00:21:22] Oh, I know what you're talking about. I know what you're saying. I think we've all not on purpose, you know, like it's mixed in or something. So that whole foil thing has to be like a sensory thing, like how it feels on the teeth. Maybe. But I mean, there's people who eat paper. There's people who like inhale. People inhaling stuff. Like what was it? The how you clean this, the cleaners for your laptop. The keyboard. So the keyboard in, you know, sprays.

[00:21:52] People inhaling that shit. No, but that's like a Freon thing. Yes. Which is just freaky. You get high off of that. Well, you got to get some type of dopamine eating hair. You know, you're not going to eat hair. Just he's got to get something out of it. What is it? Does it taste good? Is it like a sexual thing? Like that's his way to get close to these women. I don't know if he's attracted to these women. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

[00:22:21] I don't know different types, you know, like does he have a type? Right. Yeah. I don't know. Who do you like to salt the most? Like whose hair tastes better? You know, it's like you mentioned that client of yours that that happened. She's Middle Eastern. Are they all Middle Eastern, you know, or does he have like a variety? No, it was all walks of life. You know what I mean? So it was like. It's just like he's tasting all the types. Maybe. I don't know. Going home. We don't know. Who would know that? I don't know. We'll have to find out.

[00:22:50] Police report. We'll have to find one out. Time to drop some shit with some shitology. Let's get to business here, Jack. If you're a bestselling author and experiencing writer's block after your fifth book, here's an idea. Call the cops and run out of your house with a loaded handgun. If you survive it, there's your next book.

[00:23:20] Flavored hairspray only covers up your rancid smell for a short period of time. Those hair-eaten bastards know where true flavor really comes from, the inside. So drop those Cheetos and pick up some fruit. Try some strawberries, maybe some blueberries. I heard pineapple makes everything taste better. You know what I mean. And with that. Stay shitty. Stay shitty. Hey, listener persons. Thanks for listening.

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