Bleached Armpit Hair

[00:00:00] Jason, where are they having the Christmas party this year? I don't know. They already had it. Didn't you go? No. Why didn't you go? You know, I just couldn't make it. Why couldn't you make it? That's a really good question. I'm so glad you asked me that. You know, I really just couldn't make it. Gotcha.

[00:00:35] Hello, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of a podcast where we talk about Jack's sex exploitations. Well, if you really want to, I guess we can. Or what are you going to rest it for, at least? Welcome back to Shit I Told My Hairdresser, where Jack and I just talk a lot of shit about things we barely know anything about. We know something. Yeah.

[00:01:05] How much? A little bit. We know something. All I know is that I had a nice Thanksgiving. How about you? Good times? Yeah, it was okay. I was cooking for two people who were vegan, and one of those is also gluten-free. So that was a nightmare. So I was hard. So did you just boil some grass and, you know, bake up some bark and all the other day? Topped it with some tofu? I served hot water, and I served ice water. Oh, wow. See, two courses, and you're all done. Super easy. They had all of it. Yeah. Clean their plates.

[00:01:38] Exactly. Yeah, now we're heading into Christmas, and it's fucking cold out here, dude. It's like really, really cold now. This year, I know they were saying that it was supposed to be a really cold year. It's freezing every time I wake up now, and it does not warm up. It barely hits 40, maybe by two o'clock. So it's been really, really cold. That's about how it is here. At night, it's freezing every night. We've only had like one day here that it's freezing while the sun's out.

[00:02:07] No, but it's coming. There's more to come. Yeah. It's coming. Yeah. I know. It's kind of funny to talk about this kind of stuff, moving from L.A. for us. And we're like, dude, no, it's really cold. You know what's weird? Last winter, I was ready to move. Like I'd had enough. Yeah. And this year, I'm kind of all right with it. I think I just wear more clothes, and I do like wearing all my sweaters and everything. Yeah. There's things I hadn't worn.

[00:02:37] My wardrobe has definitely changed. Things I hadn't worn in years that I'm happy to do it, so I don't mind. Yeah, it's definitely changed my wardrobe. That has got to be one thing that has been bothering me. Actually, before I get to that, yours, besides yours. What's wrong with it? Well, let me ask you a question. Okay. What do you wear to work? Do you guys have like a dress code at work? Yes. You do? Yeah.

[00:03:04] Because remember when we first met, we had a dress code we worked at. It was all white. Yeah. That was interesting. And that was the worst decision for hairdressers to have to wear all white. But oddly enough, I didn't really mind it all the time. But we had a look. Wherever we went, everybody knew. And we went to the Cheesecake Factory. They work at. Yeah. That's what we looked like. We did. We looked like that. Yeah. You really had to get creative with the all white. Yeah. Just to actually look decent.

[00:03:34] We would wear the vests. I would wear a vest with paisley on it. That was in the 90s. And you wore one that just looked awful. I'm sure I did. It always looked bad. Well, people either look like you look like a white pole or you look like the Pillsbury Doughboy. That's all you really had. That was it. The thing is, wearing all white, we would wear like red shoes or something like that. Yeah.

[00:04:00] Or a belt would get interesting, you know, or whatever, a hat. No, but nowadays it's like it went from all white, what we used to wear, to now it's all black. Well- It's like you cannot be a hairdresser and be professional unless you wear black everyone thinks. That's what the whole thing is. And they want us to wear all black or just mostly anyway. Not everything, you know, like 80% black. And I don't like that necessarily because it just looks like hairdresser, you know? Yeah, totally.

[00:04:30] I was real against that for years and years. Now I don't mind it because, like I've already had these sweaters that were black and now it's all cold out. And I just wear all black and I don't mind it now. Right, but I think the point is that it's to look professional. You know what I mean? It's like you're almost like you're forcing it onto people who are not sometimes. I know why they do it. Not like my salon in general.

[00:04:59] It's just a great, a uniform look. Sure. Because if you don't have that, who knows what these people will show up in. You know, it's like they'll look like slobs. But you kind of have a good idea though. You know what I mean? It's like when you have a culture, if you built a good enough culture inside your salon, the type of people who gravitate towards you will be like that. You know what I mean? So it's like what you're trying to do is it doesn't matter if you're wearing all white or all black or if it's like, you know, all green.

[00:05:29] If you're a slob, you're a slob. Right. Don't hire slobs. I've seen a lot of that, especially with the younger ones. And if they're cute and everything, they could maybe get away with like no makeup, hair in a bun, sweats, maybe once in a while. Not all the time. No. Because here's the thing, even that shows up in your work. So if you're trying to force it on somebody who's already like that, who is already kind of a slob, it's going to show up in their work, whether they're wearing all black or all white. It doesn't matter.

[00:05:59] Yeah. And it's just like you're, it's going to show up and you, you get the sense of that. If you can't catch a sense of that in the interview, the first couple of months, you're going to know who you've hired. And then it just shows up on how, when they show up for work at what time they show up, are they always late? You know, are they late to their clients all the time? Is the work getting sloppy? We've seen it. So that is really, instead of going through and implementing a, you know, a policy on just wearing all black, just hire the right person.

[00:06:27] So we worked somewhere that, um, I didn't have a dress code because he wasn't worried about stylists showing up looking sloppy. They to rest up. Yes. And I'm not talking like suit and tie, like a business look or whatever. They actually had taste and clients would, they would ask these stylists, you know, it's like, who are you wearing? You know, it's like, I love your look. I love saying what you're wearing.

[00:06:54] It inspires me, you know, and that's who he hires. So he's not worried about whether someone showed up. Chris would usually wear shorts and flip flops, you know? Oh, I remember. Yeah. Yeah. He bought those at Fred Siegel. So, uh, they were nice. But we actually had designers actually coming into the salon. I remember I had like two that would give me clothes, you know what I mean? So it was like, sure. Yeah. That way people could see us wearing their stuff inside the salon. Sure. And it's always nice stuff.

[00:07:24] Like even if it's workout things and not everyone can pull it off. There was this one kid who worked at this salon. Like he, God, it was so gross. It was like, he wore these, he cut off his sleeves and I'm talking like way down sort of eighties heavy metal style. You know, it's like if he leaned up, didn't even have to lean over. I could see his whole torso and his armpits and he's wearing cut off jean shorts and whatever

[00:07:52] dirty trainers he's wearing. You know, he looked like he was going to Home Depot and yard work. Yeah. If you look like the towel boy at the, yeah. If you look like the towel boy at the, uh, what do you, what do you call those things? The, um, bathhouse. You know what I mean? Don't come to work. Don't come to work looking like that. Like unless you worked a double shift and came right from there, then I would understand. Okay. Yeah. A dude trying to make money.

[00:08:21] But I'm talking about the people who look like they haven't fucking bathed. Well that. You have that. That's another like people come in and you look at their hair and you're like, I know if I rinsed it, that the, it'd be like these like grainy bubbles kind of coming off your head. You know, especially they have extensions and their scalp is oily and they look like one of those, uh, brooms used to get from the Philippines. You know, I don't know if he's in a bit like natural and then also it gets kind of bushy. Yeah.

[00:08:51] Cause they've been used for sort of them like that. They've been using those for a thousand years and that's what their, their hair looks like. Yeah. I mean, these girls, I mean, seriously, it's like, I look at them and I'm like, I'm wondering if they have fleas. You know what I mean? That's what they look like. They look, they go, they have to go home to their like 25 cats. That's what they look like. They're just lazy and, and yes, usually hung over and they don't feel like resting up or whatever.

[00:09:16] And, and it's like three days that you see their hair three days in a row. I don't want to smell them. It's so gross. That's all it is. And that, that will happen every once in a while. I know they haven't bathed in Colorado hippies here. I don't wear deodorant. Oh, that's the worst too. Mm-hmm. That's the worst is I get people that, yeah, you can smell them. Yeah. We do have that. We do have that to where it's like, there's been a few people you're like walking by and

[00:09:43] you're like, you know how you don't know if it's you or if it's them? I know it's not me. Yeah. I, yeah, I do know it's not me. I, I, I, I, I pay it every day. Yeah. There's no moment in a day while I'm at work where I'm like, oh, that BO smell. Is that me? Yeah. Never happened. Oh, you know what we do have? And you know, I have seen. What? Orbe actually makes a perfume. Yeah. And some of the times the girls will go over and actually use it on themselves. And I'm like, are you joking?

[00:10:13] I'm like, now I know who it is. We have that too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, now I know who it is. Yeah. I know who stinks. Yeah. You know? So I'm like, Jesus Christ, really? But that's what I'm talking about, man. I'm looking at these girls who are just like, just wait. And also it doesn't matter if it's, you're wearing the same, like all black or all white. You know what I mean? If you, if you're have the body of a potato, wear something that covers it. You know what I mean? Right. And make sure that it works right. I don't want to see things.

[00:10:42] And if you, oh, one of the things we had here in Seattle as well, though, too, is that the girls were, and it was a thing where they were bleaching out their arm, they're growing out their armpit hair and bleaching it out and then coloring it. So they would have like this neon yellow or blue armpit hair. And I'm like, no. I kind of wouldn't mind that. Google it. Google it. I guarantee you'll never be able to unsee it. Okay. All right. It's so gross. Maybe I'm going to do it. Google it.

[00:11:16] And we're back. All right. So Christmas time is here and it's time for Christmas parties, especially salon Christmas parties. Yay. So we definitely want to, absolutely. Happy days of bad decision making while you've been drinking. So we definitely want to go through and hear your Christmas story from your salon Christmas party.

[00:11:42] Uh, so if you don't mind, write them all down or leave us a voicemail at www dot shit. I told my hairdresser.com and we see you Canada. We see you England, London, everyone listening from either neighbors of the North or across the pond. We've been having a huge uptick from, uh, those Canadians. So if you guys celebrate Christmas up there and you guys have parties, I think they do. Yeah. And yeah.

[00:12:10] Tell us a little stories about how, tell us your ratio on, uh, was it Clamato juice and beer? You know what I mean? For your Christmas parties is a little bit more Clamato juice. You ever had that before? No. It makes it 50. Oh, it's disgusting. It's gross. It was Canadians. I love it. They love it. Absolutely love it. They also have ketchup flavored lays potato chips. Yeah. Well, speaking, speaking of bad decisions, you know what I mean? So we're going to move on to Christmas parties and, uh, we've been to plenty of salon

[00:12:40] Christmas parties. Uh, I remember it. Oh God. At Tony and Guy, we worked there, but on the California side, when we had the salons in Newport beach, we had the, that was a big one. Yeah. Yeah. We're having like 47 chairs. The main one. And it was, there was a lot of room. It's sort of makes sense that you would just have it at the salon. And no, it doesn't. How does it make a special? They put up a tree. Well, you know what I mean? That way they flocked it. They flocked the tree.

[00:13:09] You didn't have to worry about anybody else, like any outside people or waiters or anything like that. It's your own space. And you went back to work, dress up to eat shitty food from whatever Greek restaurant was still open at the mall. You know what I mean? And there are people walk around going more baklava. Like, no, I don't want any more fucking baklava. They would ask. Yeah. Daphne's. They wouldn't have that. I walk over and it's like, Hey, do you want more hummus? It's like, is hummus even Greek?

[00:13:39] Yeah. What are you doing with that? That actually was really bad. And, and, uh, terrible. You're right. Actually, that is a horrible idea. Why would you have it at the salon? It's where you work. It's just like. You got dressed up to go back to where you work at. Yeah. Shitty Greek food or whatever they were catering. That was about eight hours old that they brought over. You know what I mean? The chicken would always, always like be as dry as fuck or whatever you were getting. It wasn't a sit down type of like, you know. What did you do anyway?

[00:14:08] I don't even know if I was there at that one. I think I might've been, uh. I think they fired you at that point. They were fired. I think so. And because I moved there right after Christmas a year before. And then before Christmas next year, I got fired. Not really fired. Technically invited to explore my options. Bitch, you got fired. You got fucking fired.

[00:14:36] No, I was invited to explore my options elsewhere. Uh-huh. Basically, you got fucking fired. So, okay. You got fired. Fine. Um, I got fired too. You know what I mean? But you want to know what the. You deserved it though. We got fired from like the best in the industry. You know what I mean? So it was like, who better to get fired from? Yeah. But they don't have the shittiest Christmas parties. Yeah. And what do you do? You leave there and they wouldn't last long enough either. You know, it's like. They were maybe.

[00:15:06] Literally, we were there until they gave out the Christmas bonuses, which are only to a few of us, by the way. And when that stopped happening, we barely even showed up for the Christmas party. But I would always throw the after party after the Christmas party. And I had a friend of mine who had a bar. And let me tell you, there would be close to like 200 people that would descend on this little bar. And he fucking hated it because we went in and fucking owned his place.

[00:15:35] You know who loved it? The bartenders. Because hairdressers know how to fucking tip. Yeah. And they didn't care. Those guys were walking out. He would hire extra bartenders. They would all walk out with at least $1,000 that night because people were just tipping like crazy. But they'd have to unclog the toilet at least like 10 times that night because people were in the bathroom puking their fucking guts out. They were. Oh my God, I'm so bad. Or like in there pumping coke. They were doing that too. I mean, it was everything. And that was. No, actually. Yeah.

[00:16:04] They would go through and have like, they pull out coke. And the heat because he would have those little tables. And in the rest of the bars had those tiny little like, what do you call those little chairs? Like the only bistro tables, you mean? But I mean, I dare say like half the time people would put coke on there. You know, because the place belonged to us. They wouldn't even hide it anymore. It's. No. They would do it like 1970s, 80s style. It's just line it up on the table. Yeah. Why not? To the point. Yeah. Why not?

[00:16:34] It was like, fuck it, you know? But I mean, even just even calling cabs to get people home. And I remember one time, one of the guys that worked in the warehouse who worked just like doing maintenance for all the salons. So I thought he was there with his buddy and the cab driver wouldn't even let them into the cab. And so I finally canned him a hundred dollars. I'm like, listen, just take them home. There's no way they can drive. And if you tell them, no, if they get into a DUI, I'm like, I'm going to tell them that you wouldn't take him home. You know?

[00:17:03] So he finally get, they finally get into this cab and literally he pulls right to the street and the cab driver just stopped. Right. Because both guys were throwing up inside the cab before. Oh my God. That's why he didn't want to take them. Yeah, exactly. Because he knew, he knew, you know, it was so awesome. But that, you know, you've had an awesome Christmas party where everyone is just like, can't even walk the next day.

[00:17:28] This is when you make, uh, so this is your opportunity to do whatever comes to mind. You know, it's like you tell people you work with that you love them or you hate them or you hook up with them. Yeah. Plenty of that. That's what was happening at those anyway. Plenty of that. That's your opportunity. Well, I had that opportunity one time back when we worked at Chris's shop, but he would have like, he had good Christmas parties.

[00:17:57] He would actually had them inside the salon, but he also had catered. But I mean, he has like some of the best catering. Yeah. Yeah. Because the people that were showing up to these parties, you know, it was like, it was crazy. It was like, so like, I don't know what a restaurant was. Um, but then he would have like, I think he might've had Samantha Ronson, like TJ and yep. That's why Lohan was walking around, I think. And, and, uh, I remember one time it was like Lohan, it was like done away.

[00:18:26] Ben Stiller was there. I mean, it was just one of those nights where it was just, I was like bucking around going like, oh, hi. Okay. This is kind of a crazy. You're at our Christmas party. Yeah. But they were at the salon usually anyway, you know? That's true. But they weren't at a social, we weren't at a social. When they're sitting down, yeah, you're not walking. I'm going, Hey, how are you? You know what I mean? And just like starting a conversation. You're, you're drunk and you're smoking a cigarette and yeah.

[00:18:54] And I, I, that was me drunk, smoking a cigarette. And Jennifer Aniston walked over to me and she said, hi. And we were talking for a second and I took my, this was my opportunity to go through and tell her how I felt about her haircut. Okay. Oh yeah. Oh, I told you this, right? I don't know. Cause Chris remembered it. Cause he reminded me probably like the next Christmas party. So it's obviously not good.

[00:19:22] And it wasn't something you shouldn't have said. Okay. Let's hear it. But basically I just told her that her stupid little haircut paid my mortgage for years. And she was like, Oh, okay. Oh my God. I went, that didn't come out. I can imagine her going. Oh, Oh, okay. Okay. That's exactly what you know. Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh. I fucked that right up.

[00:19:48] You could have left stupid out, you know, and just had, Hey, thanks your haircut. We get so tired of doing that fucking haircut every day. But you called her haircut stupid. And that's, that's not nice. But let me, I could just tell. Yeah. I fucked that one up. I can't tell any, I, I totally messed that up. But Chris did not. She went and told Chris like immediately. Yeah. You know?

[00:20:18] And then I think it was like when the next day I went back at work, Chris was like, so Hey drunk Jason. I'm like, Oh shit. Yeah. I fucked that up. Sorry, dude. And then the next Christmas party was like, so you need a drug again and told Jennifer about her hair. And I'm like, no, no, I won't. Yeah. I still got drunk. And it's like, okay, well I'm having you a seat. Exactly. And it's not at the party. Exactly.

[00:20:47] So yeah. So that, Oh, that was terrible, but I guarantee she's probably never going to forget that conversation because she definitely repeated it a few times to other people because I've heard it, you know, other people as well though too. So it wasn't fun. Someone should remind her of it just in case you forgot. No.

[00:21:13] Time for some shitology or as I see in Canada, shitology. Hey, if you're showing up to work looking like you just spent a whole weekend at the county jail and you need to be deloused and get ready. That's right. And I'm going to be going through and shaving off that mullet or squid haircut or whatever you got sitting on top of your head. You might be losing an eyebrow or two as well though too. Also those dirty armpits, they've been bleaching out and turning yellow or green. Those are going.

[00:21:41] But anything South of the splat zone, that's all you can keep all that. What's a splat zone? You know, the tramp stamp, anything South of there, those dirty pubes and that butt fuzz you get to keep. That's seen enough action in County this weekend. So if you are planning on ho ho ho in these holidays and here's some tips. That's right. You make sure that candy cane of joy still is wrapped up when you use it and make sure you go through and pickle your liver really well.

[00:22:11] And also any decision that you make this holiday season, it's going to be a good decision. Take it from me. And with that, stay shitty. Hey, listener persons. If you're enjoying this podcast, please give us a rating on Apple podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio or Amazon prime podcast or wherever you get your favorite shit. It definitely helps out our algorithm. Also check out our shitty posts on Instagram at should I told my hairdresser, where you can give us a follow and like some of our content. If you'd like to get your story on our podcast, go to our website at shit.

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