AI catfished

[00:00:00] Hey, listener persons, we want to hear from you. We value your time, which is why we want to make sure that the ads we run on this show are the right fit for you. So we created a short survey to find out what we should advertise on this podcast. This is going to be helping us out so much and only takes a few minutes of your time to fill out. So please click the link in the show description below and enjoy yourself in this next episode. Hey, you like my new bio and pic? Uh, the photo is you, the bio's not.

[00:00:30] Uh, yeah it is. None of it's even true. Oh well. Fucking psycho. I'm Jason, and that's Jack. He stutters, I don't, but I'm massively dyslexic. Both of us are hairdressers with years of stories to tell, and this is Shit I Told My Hairdresser.

[00:00:59] Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back. Good to see everyone. I'm still able to go through and be clairvoyant and see everybody. How are you doing, Jack? I can see you, but I can, I'm pretending I can see the audience as well. You can see me? I can see you. Like I'm real? Yeah, but I can see our one, that you and our one audience member that listens to us on Sunday. So, I see that person. I heard we have, uh, two, possibly. Oh, we've doubled. Yeah. That's awesome.

[00:01:29] Maybe three accidentally. Yeah. You know, like, thought it was about, um, actual shitting. But it's not. Yeah. It was like a health thing, you know. It's, so. This is not a healthy podcast here, so. So, someone from Germany then. Possibly. I think the Germans are doing that kind of stuff, yeah. Possibly, yeah. Are they the ones that named that kind of like, you know, type of porn? Wasn't the Germans? What is it? Uh, scat? Yeah, you know the stuff that I send you? Yeah. That you absolutely love? Oh, God.

[00:01:59] You need to. If you ever, ever, ever want to make Jack vomit, you send him a poop video. Because I used to do that to him all the time. You love it. No, but who wouldn't vomit after watching something like that? You know, it's like, and I had to watch all of it. Yeah. Two girls, one cup. Because I couldn't believe what I was actually watching, so. Yeah. You watched it all the way to the end, didn't you? I can't believe it. Maybe.

[00:02:25] Speaking of, speaking of photos and videos, I have had, you've had those clients that go through and they tell you when they bring in a photo of a haircut and they're going through and they, you ever have a client say to you like, oh, I know you guys don't like photos. And I'm like, what? Like, what are you talking about? Like, oh, hairdressers, they hate it when we bring in photos of what we want. I hear that all the time. I love all the time photos. I don't know why someone would. I love them. I think they're fantastic.

[00:02:54] But they all have it in their head that we hate photos. I don't understand that, though. I don't. It allows me to see into their mind's eye. You mean? And that way I can kind of see what they're talking about, because some people's blonde is platinum. You mean some people's versions of like curtain bangs are like that's just longer layers. So I know not to go too short and not do curtain bangs on them, you know, because everyone has a different view of where links should sit at or because clients will go through and

[00:03:22] show you like, oh, I just want an inch off. And they put like they show you this. You're like, dude, that's three. That's three inches, not an inch. You know, so let's go somewhere in the middle. But I love photos. Explain to people what does it what's long hair? What's mid length? Or they start showing you these photos. But when I asked a few of my clients, I'm like, why do you think the hairdressers hate when you bring in a photo? They always think, oh, I don't like that. I don't like people when people bring, I want to, I'm an artist and I should go through

[00:03:50] and just show you what I would do, which I started thinking about it. Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? Basically what it is, is they don't know how to do that haircut or they don't know how to style it, right? Yeah. You kind of look at a haircut. That's really what it is. You have to go through, yeah, you have to go through and use the right tools. It's like right now it's huge. It's that texture, those waves kind of going back away from the face. And you have to use a small round brush. And it's like a lot of hair styles.

[00:04:18] It seems they only have one brush, but they only have one haircut too. You know what that is anyway? It's a Farrah Fawcett style. It's late 70s and it was huge, you know. Do you remember who did that? I do. And in fact, I want to go through and call him and I'd love to get him on the show. Alan Edwards. Yeah. And the guy is, he was legendary as far as like hairstyling goes.

[00:04:47] I mean, people don't know the name. I have to give him a call because he used to work with the former partners we used to work for in Newport Beach. Because as long as we used to work, he used to be in Alan Edwards. Yeah. It used to be his shop. Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. Yeah. Yeah. Great fucking guy. I've met him a few times. Really, really awesome dude. But hairdressers, they're like, oh, the reason they don't like photos is because they don't know how to do it. They don't know how to style the hair a certain way.

[00:05:17] The person's showing them. Or they go, oh, your hair can't do that. And I ask the client, I go, did they explain why your hair can't do it? And they go, no. They said, I can't do it. Well, that means they don't know how to do it. That's what they're getting at. Maybe they were looking in the mirror at themselves like, you can't do that. Yeah. They can't do that. They don't know how to do it. They weren't talking to you. Yeah. Maybe this is a good test.

[00:05:43] If you want a new hairdresser and they're like, oh, I hate photos, whatever, but they say, maybe you need to get up and leave. Exactly. I agree with that. Yeah. And it's like, maybe they know how to do like one haircut or something and you will get that one. That's all that it is. Some version of the same haircut. Exactly. They do like a long version, a middling version of it. And then that's it. That's all I know how to do.

[00:06:10] And then they think everything that's about ear level is still like, you know, a pixie cut, a pixie haircut. You know, everything's just brought out vertically. And then they texturize the shit out of it, texturizing scissors because they don't know how to get the texture. So it's all this. It's like, you have the same haircut. They give on the same person. You know, it's like, oh, I'll just do that. You know what? I'm an artist. I got this. I got you. You know what I mean? And let me just let me do my thing. I'm going to give you this. I heard. I just gave the last three people.

[00:06:38] Listen, if I heard somebody say that, I would leave anyway. I'm an artist. Just let me do what I hear it all. It makes me ill hearing that. It's like when people say I'm a master stylist or a master colorist, the word master means you don't have any more room to learn that you're at the top of your game. No one is. Hair changes. You know what I mean? So you're always learning something new. You're always doing something different. You know what I mean?

[00:07:05] I don't like that word. Not me. I'm a master. Bader. Well, I've learned everything. Yeah, sure. I've learned everything there is to learn. I don't have any more room, actually. The only thing I don't like are the AI photos. When people bring in photos and it's just unrealistic. Yeah, but they're just showing different hairstyles on their head.

[00:07:35] You know what I mean? And I was looking at glasses online. And you can have video of your face and they have the glasses on you. So they do have hairstyles like that also. They do. It's that augmented reality kind of style. Right. But it never looks right. It never looks real. No, it doesn't look right. It's always kind of floating on you. You know what I mean? Yeah. Not only that. The way the hair kind of moves in some of these photos. Hair doesn't do that.

[00:08:04] You know what I mean? Especially a place like Seattle where it rains all the time. That little flick you're going to get out is not going to last by the time you get out the door when it's downpouring fucking rain. You want it to stay all night. The exact little swoop. Unless you hairspray to fucking death. And it almost turns into plastic. It's like if you want a plastic wig, I can get you one of those. You know what I mean? But what I did have though, I had a new client come in who took it to the next level when it came to AI.

[00:08:35] So she's brand new. Never seen her before. And she pulls out her phone to show me pictures. And I'm like, oh, great. I love photos. Let's take a look. So she goes, these are pictures of me. I'm like, okay. And she opens up her phone and she pulls them out. And I'm looking at it and it's her. It is her. Yeah. But the hair that she has, I'm like, well, whose hair is that? And she goes, it's mine. And I'm like. Oh, boy. From when?

[00:09:04] So like it's obvious. It's not real. I mean, because I'm asking her like, when did you do this? But here's like key words. I said, when did you have this? Yeah. Right. And she took it like, when did she do it? Right. And she was just kind of like, oh, it's like last month. I'm like, last month. But this isn't, this is not your hair. She said, but this is me. I agree. The photo is you. But the hair is not.

[00:09:34] I'm like the hair in the photo right here. You literally, I have three hairs. You have four. You do not have this hair. And I'm kind of sitting here looking at her going like, something's not right. And she finally broke down and was like, yeah, I use an AI app. And the AI actually puts the hair on. And so I was looking for hairstyles that I wanted. And this is what I want. And not only that though, it was like blonde hair. She had like brown hair at this point. And so she put herself as a blonde.

[00:10:03] And then she had all these layers and everything. And I'm like, this is, I go, this is not going to happen. And she kind of looked at me, but she, I had it. Just like the rest of them. You know? Yeah, exactly. You can't do this. Well, not with the three, the four hairs that she had. I couldn't do it. Right. Okay. I think it's more interesting that she has an AI photo of hair that she wants. And suddenly that's her. Yeah. Like in her head, that is what she looks like. And that's her hair. She's trying to trick me though. You know what I mean?

[00:10:33] Isn't that some sort of image dysmorphia? Yeah. Yeah, totally. They have, I don't think it's her hair that's an issue. She has some deeper issues. Don't they all? Don't we all? Self-image. Yeah. Yeah. Had you referred to like a therapist or anything? I should have. I'm like, why are you bothering me? Yeah. Why aren't you down at Planned Parenthood eating an egg salad? Go bother them down there. Don't bother me. You know, you seem the type of person that has egg salad sandwiches. No, no.

[00:11:02] This is really me last month. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the thing. She's trying to get me. Are those your natural lips? Yeah. Yeah. She can hardly talk with them. But that's the thing. She's like trying to get me to do something like, you know, trying to trick me into thinking like this is my hair, make me look like this. And what's wrong with you? How come you can't do it? And I finally was like, no, this is not. And so she finally broke down. I said, all right. Yeah, you're right. This is not me.

[00:11:31] I'm like, here's what we can do. Thank you for the photo. By the way, you're not going to get that. But here's what we can do. And she finally was like, okay, we'll do that. I'm like, thank you. Don't come in here. Welcome back to reality. Let me pull you down off the fucking ceiling. Wait, so she was just showing you the hairstyle that she wanted. And then you were like, wait, this person has a lot of hair. You don't have a lot of hair. You can't do that. No.

[00:12:00] Where did you get that hair? AI. That's where. So she was hoping you wouldn't notice. Yeah. And I would do my best to give her what she wanted. Hopefully that I could do that. Like give her more hair. Mom, why don't you get an AI app that puts on hats on? Now look. I mean, that'd be a lot easier. She was hoping you wouldn't know. You do look like a fool. I don't think that you're an idiot though. You're not an idiot. You would have noticed. I'm glad you did notice actually. I didn't notice. Yeah.

[00:12:28] But I was like, come on, don't, don't pull that shit on me. It's like those old ladies that come in and go, oh, I had this hairdresser who used to do my hair when I was 20 and no one could be able to go through and do my hair now. Like when I was like this hairdresser when I was 20 years old, I'm like, you're 70 now. And by the way, your hairline's completely changed after the 400 plastic surgeries you've had. Yeah. I'm like, your forehead's up to your hairline's all the way to the back behind your ears. Your hairline's at your ears. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:12:58] And you're wondering why you don't like your 21. I, yeah. Why don't you like your 21? I wish you were 21, but you're not, you know? So people don't think that shit changes when they get older. That's just like your body will change. Your skin will, your skin is the largest organ and it moves. So guess what your hairline is going to do? Guess what your hair is going to do? It's going to move. Move. God forbid you got a little older, you know, you're trying to show me a photo of something

[00:13:27] 50 years ago. And the woman had the photo of her from like 50 years ago, wanting her hair to be done that way. Carrying it around for. 50 years. Like in her wallet. And it's like, no one can live up. Yes. Standard of 1973, you know? Well, they don't do hair like they did in 1973. You're right. Sure. Don't. But they read my bio and I go, you're a cutting specialist.

[00:13:56] I read your cutting specialist and that you've worked in LA and you worked all these people. So you must be like, you know, a master at doing hair. So the person who cut my hair was, you know, it was in LA and they, I, you must be able to go through and do this because you lived in West Hollywood. You know what I mean? Like, no, no, this was you 50 years ago. I can't do this. Am I? Absolutely not. I know I have the, I mean, I'll give you a good haircut.

[00:14:22] I guarantee I won't fuck it up, but I'm not going to give you some haircut that you, you know, had 20 or 50 something years ago that you just combed one day and it sat perfectly and you didn't do anything to it. You look gorgeous. Yeah. Back when you were 20, you were, you were gorgeous. Now you're a prune. Right. And it's like part of living and working in Los Angeles is you recognize all the bullshit coming out of her. So it's like, yeah, you are full of shit.

[00:14:50] And this photo, whoever that is, she's hot. You're not. Bring her in. I want to do her hair, you know? Give her my number. And we're back. All right. So we're already on a rant. It seems like about a bitching about people and clients. Why stop now? Exactly. I see.

[00:15:19] You want to want to continue on and just talk about other people and how shitty they are. How much is just shit? I'm going to go for it. There's a whole list. So just pick one off the top. Well, okay. Here's one thing. I was, I was flying back from London one time and I'm in the first class lounge and this guy decides to go through and take off his shoes and put it on the coffee table.

[00:15:43] Cause there was this little shared space inside the lounge and he just took his shoes off and put his feet up on the table. And I'm looking over him at home. Exactly. Like it's his living room. Yeah. He's just getting comfortable. But it's not his living room. No, it's a shared space. Does he own the lounge maybe? I don't know. I guess so. Okay.

[00:16:09] But of course someone caught our eyes that works in the lounge, comes over and tells the guy, please remove his feet and please put your shoes back on. Yeah. You cannot have your shoes off. And it wasn't like it was the socks. It was his bare feet. Yeah. And they were fucking gross. And they were gross. You know what I mean? It's just not good with your feet. Yeah. You know, listen, who knows how long he's walked around without shoes and everything. And now it's on that table. And we had coffees on that table.

[00:16:37] We had like your trees, putting your food where he had nasty fucking athletes foot. Exactly. Yeah. Cause like peeling dead skin off his feet, you know, and just like, you know, leave me. And I'm like, ugh. Anyhow, he gets up and he puts his shoes back on and then he starts to slouch back down again. And the fucker does it again. I'm like, you've got to be fucking kidding. And they finally were like, no, you got to leave the lounge. Just kicked him out. Really? Like he told you once. Yeah. American Express does not fuck around.

[00:17:07] That's for sure. And that's one, that's one of the reasons I love using them and their lounges, you know, around the world, because it's like, they do not mess around inside their first class lounge. That's what it was. I thought it was like Virgin Atlantic or whatever. Hey, we've done that one before too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We've done a few times. You're talking about Amex. Exactly. Their actual lounge. Oh, I've never seen that. Around their lounges. Okay. They're really nice. Yeah. Yeah. They do. They don't.

[00:17:37] I would imagine. But have you ever had that happen to you? Was he all huffy and he got kicked out? Oh, he was pissed. He's going to make a formal complaint. They're like, great, please do. And we'll tell them what you did. Yeah. Yeah. But have you ever had that happen to you instead of a hair salon? Yeah. Where people actually go through and take their shoes off inside the salon? Well. While they're getting their hair done. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:18:08] Sandals or their, somebody might have flip flops on or something. And then. Yeah. He'll let them like fall off. And so they don't have their shoes on. And I'm stepping on their sandals, whatever, you know. That usually happens. That's a different story. I don't think I've actually, you know, had somebody remove their shoes and then place them somewhere else so they could have their hair cut barefoot. Oh, when they get color done, they'll take their shoes off and then throw their feet up on the station. I'm like, are you?

[00:18:37] And I'm talking like no socks, just bare feet up on the station. And I'm like, are clients looking over? That all happened every once in a while. And where I'm at now, there was one client who I saw just, who's having highlights or something like that. And she had her feet up on the counter and she's the only one who I've seen to that client. There's actually someone who works there who does it too. And it's so trashy. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just some living room.

[00:19:07] It's talking about like people, like clients will like throw their shoes off and then put their feet straight, like flat on the mirror in front of them. Yes. I've seen that. It's been a while. Yeah. It's gross. Why would they fucking do that? I don't know. They don't even do that at home. Exactly. Exactly. So what I do is I start moving the chair around on them.

[00:19:34] So their fleet, their feet can be, and they'll push back to get their feet back on the mirror. And I'm like, what are you doing? Like, Oh, I go like, I'm trying to cut your hair. I'm like, so I need to turn you towards the light. The lighting is actually shit inside of here. So I need to turn you towards the light so I can see it. And don't push back to get their feet back up there again. I would like, if I'm... Bitch, put your shoes back on. You know what I would do?

[00:19:56] I would call a meanest housekeeper to come over, slap his feet off of the mirror, and spray it with Windex. Yeah. Or just spray the feet with Windex. Yeah. Rosie would have done that. Rosie would have done that. Yeah. That's who I have in mind, actually. Yeah. I love Rosie. She would just walk up and go, uh-uh. No. Uh-uh. Don't do that. No. Don't do that. This is my house, not your house. Yeah. It's my house. We do have a chair.

[00:20:26] We have four shampoo bowls, and the last one on the very end, I don't know why they have it there, but it's like bulkhead. So you can't even put your feet up. And it's almost like a little fish bowl right here so that you're surrounded by windows. So when people sit back there and they have their color, like they're doing a toner, they'll take their feet and pop it up on the window. And I'm like, put those gross, sweaty pigs down. Like, what are you doing? What window? So- It's a weird situation. The very last- Face the sidewalk or what?

[00:20:56] Yeah, it does. That's the weird thing of it. It actually does. People walking past are looking at- You can see everything. Everything. Somebody with their feet up on the window. Yep. They're sweaty pigs, boop, planted right on the glass. No, they're- Like, this is not your house. Dirty dogs. Yeah. Oh. Your big old scaly feet, that bunion kind of sticking out right on the window. You know what I mean? Like, ugh. It's just nasty. You know, like, I say that everywhere. You know, it's like, it's not only the salon. You know, it's like in the car or whatever.

[00:21:26] It's just- Yes. I saw that yesterday. Someone in the car with their feet on the window in the passenger seat. I'm like, uh-uh. But you wonder what the worst? I think clients- Okay. Some of them are just fucking stupid. They don't know about it. I don't know. But when the staff does it- That's what I'm- That drives me crazy. Yeah. It's sitting at their station, having their feet up on the counter. You know, it's like- Yes.

[00:21:53] Do you want to have a nice salon or not? Right. And they think they're professional. And they think they're working in this amazing salon. Like, oh, we're super- No. No, you're not. They act like- No, you're not. Their garage or living room or something. I don't know what they're thinking, but it's- Well, they're acting like they still live in their parents' basement. They probably still do live in their parent basement. You know what I mean? And it's like, with their feet just fucking everywhere. You know what I mean? The smell of mildew. But I mean, it's just like- Ugh. When people-

[00:22:22] When I see the staff at the front in the waiting room, I remember one time one girl was just like taking a nap on the couch. And clients are walking in. I'm not joking. Really? I don't know if she was hungover or drunk or who knows what. But she literally went and laid down on the fucking couch at the front and took a nap. And clients are going like, oh, I guess I'll stand here in the waiting room.

[00:22:52] I could not believe it. I would call it out and go, oh, can you keep it down? She's drunk. Yeah. She needs to sleep this off. Who is that? Oh, she works here. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck is that? The people, like staff, they treat- Like, I mean, don't get me wrong. The salon is our second home. Right? But don't treat it so unprofessionally where you're taking a nap or you're putting your

[00:23:19] feet up on the fucking station or you're taking your shoes off and putting it up on the mirror. Because I've seen staff do that. Or you're eating on the salon floor. That drives me crazy. People eating on the floor, like, they just think like, oh, I'll have my food here. And while I'm talking to my client, eat my lunch. It's like, no, you have a room in the back with a table and there's chairs back there. Go sit back there and eat. You know? Now, if you're sharing like a vodka tonic or something like that. Okay. You know, no one really knows about that.

[00:23:49] You know? You're having a whiskey with your client. Drinks are okay. Yeah. Drinks are okay. You know? Eat up on a mirror? No. Not ever. Having your salad, having your freaking like Taco Bell there? Absolutely not. That drives me fucking crazy. You know? But, well, remember Warren Chacomi? We used to work there. Yeah. And he had that huge couch. Yeah. How many times do you catch people just kind of like lounging on it like it was their home? Feet up on the couch.

[00:24:18] We did, except that if a client walked in and came over to sit, we would leave. You would? I would. I would. Right. The ones who would, say, aren't laying horizontal or, you know what I mean? They're just sitting there talking. And if they're acting civilized, at least, you know, they might sit there. But they're not sleeping or anything. That wasn't the case half the time. You know what I mean? Especially at that salon. Some of them would. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:24:46] The place was a little too casual, I guess you could say. Definitely. And there was that little corner, that little spot that you would sink into. And I can't tell you how many times I'd look back and there would be Audrey just taking a nap right inside that little corner. And people were like walking. They're like, oh, oh, I can't. Maybe I shouldn't. Let's not disturb her. But that's the thing. Right. Everyone, they work in these beautiful salons and they think we're all posh. And there's the staff acting like complete fucking shitties. You know what I mean?

[00:25:16] I'm like, what are you doing? So that's my rant. Fire them. Keep your fucking feet down. God damn it. And now it's time for a very important shittology announcement. New rule regarding clients who bring AI photos of themselves. They'll now be required to fill out a mental health form listing disorders such as schizophrenia,

[00:25:46] delusional disorders. Please check all that apply. Sharia law will be used on all people who hike their nasty feet up on the counters and mirrors. They're losing their feet. Home Depot is having a spring sale on machetes. Keep one at every station. And with that, stay shitty. Hey, listener persons. Thanks for listening. And if you like our show, please help us grow the podcast by giving us a rating and review

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