Delusional rebirth Ep#75

[00:00:00] he'll know how to handle that her he'll know how to he will know how to handle her queen bitch he'll know

[00:00:22] well hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Shit I told my hairdresser oh you can read how'd I do yeah very well very very good thanks so practicing all morning have you been yeah yeah because you'd be recording today so you've been getting your uh your podcast voice ready

[00:00:46] doing my mm-hmm yeah don't do that again don't ever do that again yeah yeah I'm gonna stop you right there okay so um every now and again we get a client of the salon who is just um how can I put this mildly

[00:01:06] absolutely fucking ridiculous you know who just like so thinks that everything is all about them and that everyone should cater to them and I'm gonna need you to elaborate on that because I feel like all of them are like that so this one not mine I am my clients are really cool I love my clients I have

[00:01:29] all of them I'm not mine you just said the ones uh that come in this alone okay so I think a lot of them are crazy so um well the one in their own way you know what I mean you must have one uh that stands out above the others oh she's extra today yeah okay she's extra okay absolutely so yeah this was someone who actually okay first off she wrote an email to go through and get the appointment set up

[00:01:59] so normal people normally call the salon that they need a little bit of extra time you know but now the way things are set up you can just go online make a profile for yourself on the computer or on their platform make your appointment pay your deposit or however you put your credit card information in and choose the styles or colors that you want and boom you have an appointment yeah you know but then there's the ones who need that little bit of extra help who call the salon and maybe you're calling to

[00:02:28] because they're trying to figure out who they want to see and they want to ask them at the front desk yeah totally fine right then there's the one like we're about to talk about today that has to go through and send the email ahead of time warning you that she's going to be calling warning yeah yeah i'm probably warning is a good word i'm taking this as a warning okay yeah well and

[00:02:53] that's how it should have been she might call it a heads up but we like to call it a warning yeah i mean this had red flags like as soon as you opened it up i mean it was like it's kind of how like a rattlesnake will warn you you you know correct yeah it's a little like that exactly so the part about this though that they actually need to tread on this snake and they probably shouldn't have you know but they uh decided to go through and let the snake bite them okay but before everything

[00:03:23] kind of happened here comes the email so i'm gonna go through i'm gonna read it out i think we should go through and take a little chunks at a time on this one because there's a lot to unpack she wrote a lot it's not a long email but there's a lot in it so that's why i think we need to go through and take different chunks to unpack it all because it's like took her time and i don't know about craft it up a masterpiece here yeah i think she's just i think this is just her

[00:03:52] personality coming out i don't think it took a lot of time i think she's got on the keyboard and started pounding away by the way um does it have a uh time stamp on it i can't see it so unfortunately this is a two a.m i oh i don't know well that's because knowing what time of day she wrote this um tells you a lot already so if you're in the middle of a manic episode or you know

[00:04:17] late night drunk who knows we'll see it was it was a screen grab um i can't see that you know i mean i'd have to ask okay yeah yeah yeah we're past that point okay but it starts off with hello exclamation point i need help i'm looking for a reinvention i may be relocating to washington state and i know

[00:04:39] who this is you do madonna the reinvention oh no no no no it's not her okay not her so i'll be moving to be in the middle of the next weeks yeah i've heard good things about you i do not and that is like all in caps i do not just want a cut based off a picture i want your experienced eyes to do what you

[00:05:03] will make what you will make me look like a goddess did i read that right i will i want your experienced eyes to do what will make me lawyer goddess okay it's right there let's i'm just like i know this is fucked up and i'm dyslexic okay so apologize for all the little but she looked like a goddess carefully worded that i think anyway you know she must have rewritten that four times at least you know

[00:05:30] easily or it sounded right she's like a goddess that's what i am or want to be you know um who says that i don't know um so i'm like some pinch like she's just like a pensioner yeah well she has to be wait wait do we know how old she is oh we're gonna get to that in a second yeah okay i'm gonna guess 60s pretty close all right all right after her one don't tell me yeah uh if it's in there so here

[00:06:00] comes the warning okay about me and what i'm looking for oh yay is this like a her she took this off the dating profile that she's got something like that yay long walks on the beach number one and they're numbered by the way so i am 56 and i feel 21 on the inside 21 on the inside right boy i bet you can't

[00:06:25] run that fast is you right like you're 80 i'm 56. listen i bet she's drinking like she's 21. i know right that's what it sounds like so far number two i'm a documentarian for social justice and issues and an academic really you're an academic i can't even read your okay i'm dyslexic but there are some like spelling corrections inside she's an academic really i mean one of them she

[00:06:53] wanted to say no she put down on maybe she's dyslexic as well maybe i don't know or have you reading i'm not gonna i'm not gonna no i'm i had to go back you're looking i had to read things five times to make sure so and i'm like you already have some misspellings inside of here you're not an academic number three i do not have a lot of money non-profit work on parentheses okay so my money i'm spending on

[00:07:17] your salon did not come easily so i want an experience i do not spend money okay here it is i don't know myself on myself normally on myself let me correct that yeah she's didn't get the typo she's typing faster than she can even read i think you know yeah well for that one you know she mama

[00:07:41] took too many pills last talking about her finances now she's letting you know that she is cheap yep and if she spends any money she wants it worth it this is the type of now what does that mean worth it that means this is a person that spends five bucks and wants to and acts like they spend five thousand on something yeah and she's basically saying like hey i'm coming to spend my money and it

[00:08:05] came you're a fucking charity case and you want the best inside the salon for the cheapest amount of money possible and we're not a charity organization we're a hair salon we are here to make money we're not going to go through and give you the best because of whoever you say you are especially when we don't even know who you are well this is the make a wish foundation she wants that though maybe you should send her a link to make a wish that and that'll either shut her up or

[00:08:35] she'll go crazy on you or something like that um i know right well she's already set this up letting you know she doesn't have any money or she doesn't have much money so there you go right there you know but she wants uh to look like a goddess absolutely what does that for the least amount of money possible so go to the beauty supply store they'll help you out down there what do you look like i don't even know what i don't know she didn't she didn't send a photo and i don't think i want to

[00:09:05] see one what does a goddess look like well at least in the email she didn't so number four i have grown out my gray but still have some color from two years ago and recovering from an asymmetrical cut so sides are not even i want to eventually i want eventually to have my long hair back with layers i think i see long layers on your site but none with layers love the colors everything that we do have layers in

[00:09:34] it there's not like one thing that we do without layers but so she's like telling you like it's asymmetric she's growing her grays out and wants all the colors but i don't see anything that has layers every single haircut that we do that we post on our instagram all of them have layers if something's one length it's probably a bob yeah and like if it's long it's layered otherwise you can just have your daughter to your haircut in the bathroom one length you know but would that be a goddess bathroom

[00:10:01] haircut i don't know maybe yeah so number five i need a fresh whole new look that makes a statement as a creative and intellectual force i will be using your creation for my new pictures fingers crossed i'm like so you're having a headshot done and you're like i need your creative force i need your vision i need i need to go i need the best on a budget he is trying to create this person that he wants to be

[00:10:30] and she's not you know it's like she has an idea of this whatever it is social issues is that what her yes thing is like she does what now uh let's go back here she is a uh documentarian for social justice issues and an academic so so she makes documentaries about social issues okay okay well i don't know that

[00:10:54] someone who's like really passionate about social issues is that into how they look right now so she has an idea of like what that person looks like and it reminds me years ago in the 90s and some client had come in he was new actually and she wanted a funky haircut i said i'm an artist so i want to look like an artist and i was like okay what does that look like you know because i recently had just

[00:11:24] witnessed one of the best artists i'd seen locally and he just had like a long beard he wore a cowboy hat and he was amazing so you would have never thought that he was an artist like that so she has this idea of an artist right she handed me her card had her name on it beneath it said artist and i just laughed my ass off i was like you are not an artist you know like someone who is truly an artist does

[00:11:53] not have business cards saying they're an artist no or here comes in and asking for an artist haircut well here's how she finishes off i love this all right because here's the setup i know you're up for the challenge oh let me do oh please let me do it oh you know as soon as i hear that i'm like uh no thanks i'm definitely not up for your challenge i hear it there you know right yeah oh don't tell me i can't

[00:12:20] where did she learn this back in high school from like 1962 you know what i mean like you know how to go through and influence others it's like what the fuck i am scheduling an appointment for february can you match me with the best person for my reinvention that's it i'm like oh for fuck's sake the best person really no uh i can recommend a rehab yeah and uh psychiatrist you know exactly

[00:12:47] may maybe he really needs a hit of mtma or something um to just feel like a goddess some ketamine no matter what he can look in the mirror no matter what she looks like she'll look like a goddess so when the manager read this of course what's the first thing she thinks of budget right so we're gonna get you over you don't have a lot of money you're gonna get the new kid yeah you're gonna get the new kid but especially the brand new client you're gonna get the new kid you didn't specifically

[00:13:16] say you want to see a certain person you're gonna get the new kid yeah all right so that's who they send her to so she wants this person's phone number so she can send them photos of what she wants and i didn't get to see the photos because they were all kind of taken down but the girl seeing what she wanted and looked at the appointment was made for a hair color like an all-over color and then a haircut the photos that she's sending over now are these highlights and all this different work

[00:13:45] and they're all these different types of like you know especially that one person that sends you like 10 different photos but they're all 10 different things so it's like a all over the place but what she did gather was that from what she booked there's not going to be enough time for her to go through and do her hair so she tells her i'm gonna send you to somebody else she's like this is a lot more work than what you actually booked for so i'm not going to have enough time there's going to be add-on

[00:14:10] work to this so i'm going to send you off to somebody else who was really good guess what brand new person as well though too she does good work but it's going to be more so she they move the appointment over to her and she comes inside the salon and the woman didn't take the account that the person actually said in the text message this is going to be more work than what you booked for she starts showing this new girl what she called her rebirth right so the reinvention turned into

[00:14:39] rebirth and she's like i need you to rebirth me rebirth my look and it lives in a fantasy world that's really what this is i'm telling you and so the girl starts going through and start seeing all the photos and then smart on her though she goes this is what the price is going to be because she's like we're not is this is not just a regular color and a haircut we're looking at we're doing highlights

[00:15:05] we're going to be doing the color then we're doing the haircut this is going to be a lot of work even in the email she said she has previous color on there and it's all grown out so you have to almost come to go through and look at this as a color correction right yeah yeah woman freaks out because she's like she's like uh uh i was quoted two hundred dollars now the whole thing is going to be like four hundred and five hundred dollars who quoted her that well she said that's what she was

[00:15:35] quoted it's like no no you booked for something and then you you didn't explain what you actually wanted and then when you did we're telling you what it's going to go through and take you want something more exactly what you booked for and even the girl even told her before she even came in it's going to be more where i had to do more i'm booking with a person that has more time yeah so what do you think is gonna fucking happen yeah and she flipped out what did she's yelling at the front

[00:16:04] desk yelling at her and how they're trying to take advantage of her now it all comes out who she is and she's like this important person it's like really if you're this important and you're miss social justice advocate i've never heard of her right you know what i mean it's like you should have money at this point i know a lot of in your 50s people and i've never heard of her so um exactly so we don't know who she is and then out the door she went but the thing about those that as soon as you get an

[00:16:33] email like that read between you knew that would happen or i knew that would happen you knew that would happen they don't know that that'll happen the new ones have no idea yet they know now um they do yep absolutely but they weren't even aware of the email until after the woman left and then the manager showed okay well the manager will know now you know um but that's like you you want to buy a car

[00:17:01] and it's uh the basic price you know you show up and it's like where's my seat warmers well that's extra no i want all of it for this i looked on your website and it's a rebirthing car i'm gonna rebirth in this car yeah um she's out of her mind obviously you know um good riddance i'm

[00:17:27] glad that she let her know how much it was and let her freak out before she had her hair done because you know imagine if she had been in the middle of it and or at the end or whatever you know it's like a lot of hair they'll go through do the hair and what i call it what they do is they leave the grenade at the front desk they pull the pin and then they walk away they leave the client to

[00:17:56] front desk and they don't let the front desk know what's going to happen you know they just go hide they go hide in the back room yep right then all of a sudden that client just flips out so she was very smart for telling her ahead of time what was going to happen but what the fuck really it's like go home call make a wish get your pills out in the vodka enjoy your saturday night

[00:18:22] amen and we're back okay so speaking of people who like to mix the medications with a little uh libations like uh whiskey or vodka or whatever whatever your favorite poison is um

[00:18:48] okay i actually had someone come in on saturday they brought their daughter in for a haircut you know when you walk up to somebody and you're meeting them for the very first time and you all of a sudden get that feeling like oh there's something just not right with you is there this was one of those moments this was definitely one of those moments and all the time i just look at

[00:19:11] someone i slice them up immediately right i can tell you if there's something wrong or if uh i don't know what's wrong yet exactly this was i don't know what's wrong yet but normally let's see this girl had to have been like 16 17 years old she's practically an adult you know she can use her own words i'm hoping but yeah yeah but the mom brings them in usually you know when someone brings

[00:19:38] their their kid in they're paying for it of course you want to hear what the parent has to say which is nothing wrong with that i have plenty of parents that bring kids in who are in their teens and i have no problems with you know but i get her changed and i'm walking her back and all of a sudden i'm noticing the mom is following us after the initial greeting and i'm like okay maybe she needs to be part of the consultation whatever so she comes over doesn't need part of the consultation she's just standing there watching and just listening and then there's nowhere to sit she's kind of looking at a place for

[00:20:06] her to sit and i normally just kind of like hopefully i'm hoping crossing my fingers that he's walked back up to the front desk or they'll ask me is there any place to sit i say no you know i kind of let it kind of work itself out because i really don't want to be in that i don't want to be that dick like go the front but there's a there's a couch that has dryers for you want to but you don't i don't i just kind of let it work it's not one of that guy i totally do yeah yeah yeah

[00:20:34] but i could tell that she needed to be there so she sits down on the couch and she's gonna sit there to watch your daughter get her haircut which whatever now here's the thing those dryers are going to be used the salon is busy so someone's going to walk over and kick you out right i'm going to let that happen i'm going to be that dick and not say anything to you to tell to pre-warn you i'm seeing that let it happen so you feel like confused or you feel like vulnerable and you just walk back up to

[00:21:03] the front desk and sit down in the front waiting room where you should have been yeah right i'm gonna let someone else do it i'm not gonna be that guy right so i'm gonna be i'm gonna be a dick and just not say anything you let just like do course you know just boom so i get her shampooed bring her back it happens and the girl comes another girl comes over and goes hey i'm gonna need this chair she was oh where can i go she was up to the front she was wanting to be with my daughter

[00:21:27] and i'm like oh you do say great serious really she's like 17 years old so what did she do she comes over and stands next to us i'm like oh great this is great i might so you're gonna stand right here in the walkway where people are gonna go through and go to the shampoo bowls and i tell her like you want to want this is a major thoroughfare right here i'm like i'm gonna i'm actually now i'm gonna tell you drives me crazy when the main walkway is like yeah someone's like just looking at or

[00:21:54] whatever yeah that happens all the time and you know she's gonna get on her phone and not pay attention to her surroundings or you know so now i'm like fuck now it's on me hey you want to what there's no place to sit you can i'm like standing right here is gonna be very hard for everybody else so the best thing you do would be to go to the front and she goes well let me check with my daughter i'm like excuse me i'm like she's getting a haircut we're not we're not taking out our tonsils we're

[00:22:19] we're doing a haircut yeah you know he's acting like she got hurt and they're like in the emergency room exactly it's like no we we're putting in layers that's it nothing major you know i mean we already discussed this everyone was part of the whole are they emergency layers that must must have been okay yeah see um you know first time having layers you know what i mean so yeah oh look at those girls i understand but she comes over to her daughter and stands like right in front of her to

[00:22:48] look her straight in the eyes and goes so i'm gonna go sit the front are you gonna need me and the girl's like no mom i'm okay i'm fine i don't need you she was okay well if you do need me i'll be at the front where we were sitting before and text me if anything if you need anything i'll be right back over here and i'm like what the fuck i'm like thank you uh bye go to the front i was like what i mean

[00:23:12] is going on what's going on here so the daughter how was she acting was it um she's she's quiet it was like trying to even talk to her was like pulling so i'm not worried about her mom walking away or no she could she could care less not only that i come to find out the girl who goes like like a boarding school they just like ship her away like every so often like yeah she lives at a

[00:23:38] boarding school so i'm like that explains a shit ton you know what i mean i'm like okay yeah all right yeah i'm like blink twice if you need to make a run for it you know that's weird enough anyway okay so the kid's here for like a week and mom feels guilty about the whole thing sort of you know and not guilty enough to have her live at home um but and actually like raise her child yeah she's

[00:24:05] obviously overcompensating he doesn't really know her daughter that well maybe i don't i don't know um moms always know of course you know uh well no actually now that you ask me that i know more than you think anyway um but she doesn't know her lately she's away at school you know she probably would rather her mom not be around so yeah she's never around anyway so who knows what happened you know

[00:24:34] it's like she's all up her ass you know for like a week and she goes back to school and mom's like thank god that kid's gone now yeah but in the meantime in the meantime she needs to show her how much love she has for her well so that way when she goes away for eight months it's kind of like right now i have eight months to you know go through and prove you i love you again you know what i mean so hitting eight months into a week exactly so it was just it was just fucking weird but have you ever

[00:25:03] had that you mean where people have to like just have this codependency fucking shit going on all the time like we when we where we used to work at in brantwood there was a girl that come in for extensions and her mom would have to be with her all the time came in and sat there for the entire appointment i remember you mentioning this yeah they would just talk the entire time but then you start he listening to the conversations and i remember this girl would talk about like dating guys and

[00:25:32] how like the mom would have to be the same restaurant i sit at a different table while she was oh god okay okay like that they took it to the next level that's weird that's all and she didn't understand how like guys that she dated didn't understand her like your relationship with her mom and i'm like are you kidding me she's she's right here you're with each other all day long this is weird the only one

[00:25:56] who understands it is a doctor yeah so a therapist you know what i mean they're the ones with yeah psychiatrist or something you know um wow that has happened every once in a while you know it's like not to the extreme like they're like holding hands you know um oh oh okay there you go do you want to what i've had that i've actually had that twice where i've had people going through and

[00:26:22] sitting there with their partners holding hands while i'm trying to cut their hair see it it's bad enough if you have a cell phone in your hand your head's down all the time you're trying to cut their hair but holding someone else's fucking hand now here's what i've seen is like while and it's usually mom mom's around she's holding a hand but then she realizes she's in a way and then sits somewhere

[00:26:47] else i've seen that but like refusing uh to leave or like acting like something horrible will happen if she walks away i am talking like there was one person who i'm trying to cut the front as i'm doing their hair and i said you want to you guys need to let go because i need to actually walk around to the front as she cut the front of their hair put the layers in around the front the person moved around and held their hand on the other side and i'm like guys again by doing this you're throwing her body

[00:27:14] off i'm not going to get a straight haircut the sides are going to be just ridiculous i mean i'm like you guys can you please maybe just sit 10 feet away in the waiting room then just you can stare at her from here but they would they're like no she needs me to hold her hand i was going through and you're doing the haircut no she doesn't no go sit over there and throw her moral vibes you fuckhead you know i mean like what are you doing moral support i would rather her go to the car and

[00:27:39] then call her exactly and just be on like facetime oh no i don't know yeah i don't know what's worse i don't know what's worse though you know i mean but i guess you're right yeah well that is really awful that would drive me crazy when someone's on the phone like that i i just wait and every once in a while someone who's on the phone will look up and go oh go ahead uh no no get off the phone

[00:28:05] go ahead and hang up it's like what is that important are you curing cancer with that phone over there are you causing cancer get off the phone let's wrap it up they gotta hold hands so like do they not see each other like at home or it's a constant thing with that i don't know they've had these codependency issues and they had there for like more i mean for moral support for they're getting a fucking haircut that's it and you can watch from like literally across the room

[00:28:34] you need to knock this off i couldn't i had literally i was like that's this is it i'm like i can't do your hair anymore if this is what you guys are gonna do you need to go somewhere else i don't need your money that bad listen your haircuts are traumatizing uh but that's a little

[00:28:48] overplay it's time to hear some shitology jason if you get a questionable email from someone who seems like they're in the midst of a metapausal life crisis and you know she's gonna be trouble dodge that bullet go through and tell her that her needs are beyond your capabilities and refer her to that

[00:29:14] guy you just fired for assaulting clients while drinking on the job sounds like a perfect fit to me he'll know how to handle her majesty the goddess queen don't let people hold hands in your salon slap that shit down immediately we don't do that around here go to your coda meeting for that what's a coda meeting codependency anonymous meeting i got problems we'll save them two seats and with that

[00:29:40] stay shitty hey listener persons thanks for listening and if you like our show please help us grow the podcast by giving us a rating and review on apple podcast spotify iheartradio amazon prime or wherever you get your favorite shit it definitely helps our algorithm and it's free to do if you like to get your story on our podcast go to our website at shititoldmyhairdresser.com where you can get your

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