Complete the Beast

[00:00:00] Hey Jack, guess where this is going? In my butt? Oh yeah! Erlebe diesen Sommer mit Und Julia, die ultimative Musical Party in Hamburg. I got the eye of the... Spare nur für kurze Zeit 30%. Sommertickets unter musicals.de

[00:00:28] I'm Jason and that's Jack. He stutters, I don't, but I'm massively dyslexic. Both of us are hairdressers with years of stories to tell. And this is Shit I Told My Hairdresser.

[00:00:53] Hello everybody and welcome to where Jack and I are going to go through and talk some more shit to you guys. How you doing Jack? I'm alright, how's it going? Doing really good. So we got some shit to talk about. Actually we got some shit I need to read today so you're going to hear an email that was sent to us. You guys have been doing a fantastic job of sending us the emails by the way. This one you're going to have to go through and talk, I have to admit.

[00:01:21] This one gets really, really fucking good. But in the meantime guys, go through and give us a like. Subscribe wherever you get the podcast. Drop us a note, especially on Spotify and drop us a note on there. Tell us what you think on Apple Podcasts or wherever you go through and get them. Go to www.shititoldmyhairdresser.com and leave us a voicemail.

[00:01:45] If you want to get your voice up onto the show and like this person does, I'm not going to say who it is because they've asked not to. They made it pretty obscure so I don't know who this is but thank you for this email. But you can go through at info at shititoldmyhairdresser.com. Send us an email there. Give us your best story. This is a challenge for all you listeners.

[00:02:08] I want you to listen to this email and send us your best story because this one's pretty fucking good. You're definitely going to enjoy this. So you're saying it's the best one so far? Yes. So far this is definitely the best one. All right. It gets good. That's for sure. Okay. People give us some good emails but this one I had to like, whoa. As soon as I read this one, I got to read it.

[00:02:37] Now, I'm going to apologize ahead of time, guys. I'm dyslexic so if I fuck it up, oh well, deal with it. But. Story time. It is story time. I'm not going to read the title because it kind of gives it away. Okay. All right. But it starts off with Dear Shit. I think that's you, Jack. Let me go through and let me read the email and then we'll kind of comment afterwards. But some of them you might, you probably won't be able to resist. But here we go.

[00:03:06] I got a story for you about a night at a hair salon that involved two naked women and a jug of cow's blood. It's going to sound made up. I swear this actually happened. I've done my best to obscure any details that would give anyone away. Years ago, when I was a young hairdresser, I worked at an all men's salon and social club. The owner fancied himself the kind of fraternity godfather.

[00:03:32] This was back in the era of the movies Old School and Anchorman where this was like cultural scripture for all the guys. Those kind of sets the scene. The salon itself was like a speakeasy designed by someone who binged Raffler and Callalogs and Premier League Soccer.

[00:03:47] Picture Mahogany and Marble Bar, which was built with shelves all the way to the ceiling with leather bound books and golf trophies, travel tchotchkes, and a kind of overdone wasp memorabilia that you would expect in a Masonic Lodge. The bar separated a waiting area and a party lounge with a small haircutting area.

[00:04:10] The heavily wooden front door looked like it belonged in a medieval castle, complete with ironwork and a stag headknocker. The window was mirrored from the outside and a thick red theater-style curtain that you could draw what's on the inside. So that way you couldn't tell what kind of business it was. And that was part of the mystique. It was a private membership club that included haircuts, top shelf liquor, and cultural events. Cultural events are in quotations.

[00:04:39] And for a while it actually thrived. We built up a loyal community of members and the parties were legendary. But the godfather was more of an idea guy than a businessman. He was always dreaming up side ventures, a product line, a magazine and clothing label, even a boutique hotel. He did everything but actually run the salon. Eventually I had to leave in search of something more stable. And the place unraveled not too long after.

[00:05:07] But before it all fell apart, there was one night I will never forget. The godfather had decided to create a secret society within the club. A kind of inner circle. Think, no man from Married with Children meets a wannabe Skull and Bones chapter. And to kick it all off, he wanted an initiation ritual that no one would forget. He had me gather the chosen ten or so members, plus myself, at a nearby pub.

[00:05:36] We were told to wear suits and ties, have a few drinks, and wait for his signal. I wasn't told what was going to happen, but he had wanted to be a ritualistic and had been musing about cow's blood from a local butcher. So I had my suspicions. My phone buzzed. It was time. I led the group back to the salon. Picture a Pied Piper leading ten grown men in suits down the street. We reached the heavy door.

[00:06:03] I knocked three times slowly and steadily, with the stag head knocker, for a theatrical fare. The iron hatch slid open. It was him. Inside, the lights were off. A hundred or so tea lights glowed from the lounge. The curtains were drawn. The atmosphere was reverent, almost holy. We were ushered in silence and told to sit in a semicircle around the bar. He gave a solemn speech.

[00:06:30] What was about to happen must never be spoken of. Anyone who wasn't comfortable was free to leave. Of course, no one moved. Then he called out towards the back. Bring out the beast. From behind the curtain to the back of the room, a naked woman stepped into from the candlelight. In one hand, she had a leash. In the other, a butt plug with a ponytail attached. Oh.

[00:07:01] Oh, okay. Following behind her on the leash was another woman, curvier, wearing a leather mask fashioned to look like a bull, also naked. Okay. At this point, nothing is really clear except for now we know who the beast is. The priestess, as I call her, led the subject out past the salon chair and into the front area next to the bar to stand in the middle of a semicircle.

[00:07:30] Our host is standing beside them. The host says, complete the beast. The beast turned and braced herself against the bar. The priestess inserted the tail and the beast stood up as the priestess was told, present the beast. What the fuck? Jesus Christ. Complete the beast? Complete the beast.

[00:07:59] She did.

[00:08:30] He then signed his name in the notebook after he dipped his thumb into the blood from her chest and left a print, his fingerprint, next to the signature. What the fuck? Then we each took turns. One by one, read the oath, then the blood, then the thumbprint. And just like that, the ritual was over. The woman were led back behind the curtain.

[00:08:57] The godfather told us to quietly leave and return to the pub. He would join us soon. Jesus Christ. The second we ran the corner, the silence broke. What the fuck was that? Did that seriously just happen? No one better say shit no matter what. Back to the pub, the night carried on like any other. You'll never guess what we'd just taken part in for one of the weirdest nights of our lives.

[00:09:26] But we knew that that was just the best part. The inner circle aspect continued for a little while. Never really organized as a ritual would ever have implied. Some drinks, some poker, a few team parties. Definitely nothing ever matched the first night. Thinking back, it was absurd. Shock value ritual meant to bond people by putting them in a compromising situation. But strangely enough, I have to hand it to him. It was a spark of strange, random brilliance.

[00:09:55] But godfather had a wild imagination. The blood was food grade used for sausage making. And we were later told that the women were enthusiastic participants. Even willing to return if needed. That must have been some negotiation. And those chicks were brave for taking a chance. Shit could have gone really weird. Fuck yeah. It's been more than a decade since the place closed.

[00:10:22] And while I've gone on to build a career, I always remember that time. That strange, hilarious, sometimes wonderful era of the Man Cave Salon. And yeah, I guess now that the beans are officially spilled, kind of, maybe there is still a book out there with an oath and signatures and bloody thumbprints. Maybe it was a prop, but then be forgotten to throw now. Who knows? Sincerely, codename? Hard Hat. Hard Hat.

[00:10:51] Well, thank you, Hard Hat. Thank you for that email. Holy fuck. You mean, when I first read this, I was like, no. First of all, people are just stupid. Yes. They want to do this ritual. It's like some ancient thing or whatever. And I'm guessing even 300 years ago, someone who did that probably would also have a hard time holding in laughter. Yeah.

[00:11:18] But where in the fuck do you get these girls from? I mean, he must have paid them a lot of money. Who are these girls? I mean, they're the beasts for hire. Yeah. They obviously had an ad out. If they didn't, they do now. I mean, they liked it and they're willing to do it again. I guess if you look it up. So I did have communication with this guy afterwards. I was like, I have to find out this is really true. And he's like, man, this is true. And I can't say anything more than that.

[00:11:48] He's like, but I had to get it out. And I'm like that because he's been listening to some of the podcasts. And he's like, this is just like, I can't keep this. And it's been such a long time. It's been like over 10 years. Yeah. And it's like the chances of whoever this is hearing it. And so what if he hears it anyway? You know? Exactly. Who is he going to tell us? Why? He's like, hey, they're talking about me. You know? Yeah. I'm going to sue you now. No. No NDA.

[00:12:17] Probably be happy that someone's talking about him years later like that. You know, the reason you wouldn't want to say anything is someone's embarrassed. They were even part of that. Oh, yeah. That's why I wouldn't mention anything. You know? I mean, I'm like married with a kid. I mean, I would not. I mean, imagine like telling your son, oh, by the way, one crazy night, we had a couple of drinks. We brought these couple of hookers in and put a butt plug inside of one of them and called her a beast and then spit blood on her. You know?

[00:12:47] Who the fuck does that? I mean, that's the thing. It's like, hey. It sounds like an Eyes Wide Shut gone wrong. You know what I mean? Remember that movie, Eyes Wide Shut? You know? They have a whole orgy scene. What I mean about like, they're just recreating something that they think happened three centuries ago, you know, or something, you know. It's just weird. And it's like, could you imagine like not being embarrassed about it? It's like someone calls you over. It's like, hey, Jason. Hey, tell them what you did last week.

[00:13:17] Right? Yeah. At a dinner party? Oh, nothing. I just spit some cow's blood all over a girl. How do you get like 10 guys or so to do all this shit as well, though, too? I mean, that was some way. They were waiting. It's probably much easier than anything. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. It's that whole pack mentality. You know what I mean? You don't want to like look stupid in front of the other guy or something like that. They want to be bros and all that and have this like secret thing. They might as well be playing with G.I.

[00:13:45] Joe's in the backyard, like having some secret society or something. That's how silly it is, you know? Oh, it's fucking ridiculous, you know? But thank God the guy left. I mean, I couldn't imagine. I mean, being in a very exclusive area, you know what I mean? To where you're just doing only clients that you have like one chair like that. That sounds kind of cool, especially if it's like a high end area.

[00:14:08] But when you're pulling shit like this at night, you know, but this guy sounds like he's the type of guy that like sleeps with like prostitutes and. Right. You know, fancy stuff like some. He thinks he's like the godfather, you know, and kind of he's the one running the show. Yeah. Yeah. He wants to show off to other guys who he is. There's a lot of guys who are like that, who are hairdressers also. You know, I don't know what it is about the salons.

[00:14:37] You know, it's like we just had a story about the salon was having porn movies filmed in the basement. And now this is like beast rituals. Right. But plugs cows. Yeah. Blood everything. It's very Romanesque kind of, you know, I'm thinking about serving blood at the salon now. It's like we only really have sodas, coffee and cheap wine. So why not have cow's blood now? Yeah. Just have it in the back. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, got from the butcher. Don't worry about it.

[00:15:07] It won't kill you. But Jesus, dude, I don't know. Next week, I guess I'm going to complete the beast. And we're back. All right. So we're going to tamp it down a little bit from the was it pig's blood, cow's blood? What the fuck? Butt plug. All of it. Oh, yeah.

[00:15:32] We're going to tone it down a little bit, but not a lot. You know what I mean? But just a touch. We're going to bring this, bring it down a notch. So we're going to talk about the days when I travel and do shows for that large company I used to work for. I was going to say it was Bedhead. And back in the Bedhead days. And and. Bucket. Exactly. Bucket. Everyone knows. Yeah. Yeah. There.

[00:16:02] It's a dead company now. You know what I mean? So it's like, it's done. I think that's the lever. It's like, it's all gone. So it doesn't really fucking matter anymore. I don't know who makes that shit or who sells it. But back in the day. I don't even know who uses it. Exactly. So. Back in the day, it changed the way everyone does their hair. So we had these shows flying all over the world. And one time they sent me up to Canada, up to Calgary to do a show up there where they do the stampede.

[00:16:32] Right. So they have a huge fucking, you know, convention center up there. You ever heard of the stampede? No. What is that? Is that like? Oh, it's like I know that like cows or horses will stampede. It's literally the largest rodeo you've ever fucking been to. If you've ever been to a rodeo, it is massive. Calgary has like, it's like Houston has a whole city. I think it's more about bands and everything now.

[00:17:02] And carnival rides. I think this is that, you know what I mean? Like the whole city shuts down and everyone has been this. That's absolutely amazing. They fucking love it. This is a huge festival, you know? But I mean, even like calorie doesn't do things small. They do shit on larger levels, you know? So you think Dallas made their money in there? I don't know. Thousand oil. Calgary did too. And there's a lot of fucking money there. So is that like the Texas of Canada? Yes. So it's like, it's like the Dallas of the North.

[00:17:32] You know what I mean? Calgary is definitely right there. Okay. You know, the largest mall I've ever been to was in Calgary. The convention center was fucking huge. And we're up there doing this massive hair show. Okay. Right. So it was like the second night we were there. So the hair shows go like Saturday is like prep days. Sunday is like your main, you know, hair show, you know, like all the shit kind of done. And then Monday is like the last day of the hair show.

[00:18:00] So it's like distributor day is Saturday set up. Sunday, Monday is the hair show. So Sunday night, that's usually when people are partying pretty hard and they usually have a big party that night. And everyone's going out. And the next day on Monday, we actually had a interview we had to do for the local news team. And we had to be there prepping the models at 5 a.m. To be on television at 6 o'clock.

[00:18:27] And we had about a three minute spot, which was a good, decent amount of time. So I remember telling the guys like, let's head back to the hotel early after dinner. Maybe go out for a few drinks or whatnot to the party. But then let's head back because we had to be up like at the convention center at 5 a.m. So I said, we need to be in a cab no later than like 4.30. So we're at the hotel and we get in the elevator and some of the guys in the elevator recognized us because everyone wanted to work for bedhead at the time. That was like the goal, right?

[00:18:56] To work for this company because it was just fucking huge. Everyone wanted to work for that company. Wasn't my goal. Well, you got fired. So your goal was like, you know, tamped down pretty early. So, but they went through, they looked at us like, Hey, we're having a little bit of a get together in our room. And they kind of like put their finger over their nose, kind of like, you know, scratching their nose. I'm like, Oh, Oh, sort of hinting. Hinting at what kind of a party. Hello. Right.

[00:19:25] Without saying it, you know. Right. And looking at some of the guys that I'm with and I'm like, Hey guys, I'm like, yeah, that's what they're. So I was like, Hey, we got to get up early guys. If you guys want to go cool, have your fun, but make sure I'm you're down here in the lobby with me at four 30. You know, cause I was the one heading up the show this time. So I'm like, make sure the guys are down there. Right. Hungover or not. I don't give a fuck. Be in the lobby by four 30.

[00:19:55] Show up. Show up. The, my team were actually, they were really cool. They're like, no, no, no, no. We're going to go to bed. You know, it's like, we have a, we have a few hours to kind of get some sleep and then we have to be up early. So that means, you know, quarter to four, you're waking up to get dressed and get ready. Cause then you have to make sure that you look good because you have to be camera ready by like six o'clock. Wait, who was with you then? Hairdressers or models? Hairdressers. Okay. Not the models had to be there. They were paid. They were going to be there at a certain time. Yeah. Right.

[00:20:25] So it was just, it was just the hairdressing team, makeup artists. You know what I mean? Those are the people who were with me. So four 30 comes around and I'm heading down to the lobby and everyone, we're all on the same floor, you know, and we all get into the elevator, call our gear. And we head down to the lobby. And as soon as the doors open up, I kind of like look back. I'm like, holy shit. Cause I'm looking at a lobby full of Canada's finest. I'm talking Mounties.

[00:20:55] As far as the eye can see there was police and everywhere. Police everywhere. I'm like, holy shit. Right. Maybe they were just having a, um, uh, gathering there. I don't know. Oh yeah. They definitely were, but for a certain reason. Yeah. Oh no, no, no. I mean, as soon as we get off the elevator, maybe, I don't know. They motioned for us to come to them and they asked for our keys. Right.

[00:21:23] And they had a little machine and they put our, like, it was like a little card reader and they swiped our hotel room keys and saw what room we were in. They said, okay, you can go. And I'm like, what is going on? They're like, sir, just please leave. I'm like, okay. Okay. So we get to the convention center and now is starting to, you're starting to hear the buzz about what was going on at the hotel. So they were there to go through and arrest some of these people who were in possession and the hotel.

[00:21:53] I guess people were complaining that parties had out of control. I don't know if the manager called or whatnot, but, and I guess the, the housekeepers had saw some of the drugs that were inside of the rooms who were holding inside there. So the man, I guess the manager had called the police and they were there that night. Everyone was partying and they were there to arrest people. So we are at the convention center. Now we're trying to hear this. Yeah. Yeah. They heard about it.

[00:22:18] So they, we started to hear this at the convention center and the next thing you know, they're telling us like, Hey, you want to what? We have like so many different companies. Like it was like Paul Mitchell was there. Antonio guy was there and it was, you know, um, what was it even? And I can't remember all the names, but no one was showing up. So the heads of these companies that were supposed to be doing the show and also getting the models ready for their interview. Cause we were doing this huge spot. Right. Yeah. They weren't there.

[00:22:48] Oh, they weren't there. They were. Yeah. They got, they were somewhere. They were at the holiday inn with you. It wasn't the holiday inn. Oh, that's for sure. No, this was a big, it was, it was, it was a really nice hotel. And I guess someone would get tired of their shit. So the next thing you know, it was like our three minute spot turned into a 10 minute spot. And I only had like four models. I'm like, well, what am I going to say for 10 fucking minutes?

[00:23:15] I only prepared for like maybe a couple of minutes and that was it. So we all had to kind of other people who were there. We kind of had to gather all our models together, see what we're going to talk about. You know, because now we're put on the spot forever, you know, but those Canadians do not mess around. That's for sure. And I know you know that very well. Exactly. I know that. Because you were detained at the airport. Yeah. I remember that.

[00:23:42] With nothing, by the way, except that there were hints of. Erlebe diesen Sommer mit Und Julia, die ultimative Musical Party in Hamburg. I got the, I got the... Spare nur für kurze Zeit 30%. Sommertickets unter musicals.de I don't know.

[00:24:07] They thought I was up to no good and they were ready to send me right back to Los Angeles. So, um... But that's the thing. Yeah. You were there for three hours for suspicion, Jack. Come on. Right. And I was real worried. I was there to do a movie. Yeah. I was real worried, you know. Yeah, I would be too. But I mean, they found residue, right? Well, it was... I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I know.

[00:24:36] They found residue on your phone. And it was like one of those like microscopic things or whatever, you know, like it was on my driver's license from like a long time ago and it was still on there, you know. So it was in my shaving kit. So like everyone... Your shaving kit? Because people like to keep things like that in toiletry kit. People meaning you. I don't know. Allegedly. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you weren't arrested.

[00:25:04] But they didn't keep your ass for three fucking hours, right? Yeah. Well, it was about an hour and a half, two hours, I think. Two hours or whatever. Yeah. I had a driver out there waiting on me the whole time. It's like holding a sign up with my name each time anyone would walk out. So I was like, hey, I've been waiting a while. Sorry. What did the sign say? Jack Cokehead Abernathy? Is that what it said out there? No. He dumped chicken in the location.

[00:25:33] He crossed out my name and he put Scarface on it. Real please. You wish. Well, yeah. I mean, that's the thing. It's like when I go to the airport, especially in Canada, they do not fuck around. No. No. Obviously, now the police don't either. Yeah. Well, hey, I guess they must have been like really sloppy with their party gear. You know what I mean? It's like, how would you know? So like unless they were just acting obnoxious and maybe even dealing it in a lobby.

[00:26:03] So like a lot of Americans show up like it's Las Vegas, you know, leaving the country and they act like it's their playground and they trash the place. And they notice, you know, they stand out there. Canadians don't act like that normally. No, they don't. And so that that's what pissed them off. You know what I mean? It's like you came to our territory and you're pulling this shit, you know, say we don't like it.

[00:26:29] So, I mean, the Canadians, they're very as far as like smoking weed and like doing that. They don't give a shit. You know what I mean? It's just kind of like drink, smoke, whatever. You mean, but it was like the whole attitude. You've been around people who've done a shit ton of cocaine and they're fucking assholes. And they probably got one of those managers. They put their panties in a twist and they're like, I'm not dealing with this shit anymore. No, but they're in full on party mode, you know, and they are lax about drug use, you know, there. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:26:58] So I was just in Amsterdam and so in Amsterdam, it's legal, you know, like all the soft drugs like that, you know, when somebody is doing those, they're not acting obnoxious. They're just doing them. So nobody cares. Right. They do care when somebody from England or the U.S. shows up there and full on party mode and they're drunk, they're loud. Yeah.

[00:27:26] And that's when they start arresting people, you know. Yeah. So there in Calgary, they were, they had enough. Yeah. So next thing you know, it's like half of them were in jail. And I don't know what a Canadian jail is like, but I'll tell you one thing, that's not a place I want to go and visit. No. But, you know, or England or any jail personally, you know. Right. But you had your, you had your Canadian Scarface moment. So there you go.

[00:27:58] Time to get that shit completely out with Shitology. We all now know that Calgary is a lot like Texas. You don't want to mess with it. To avoid jail time and certain deportations, be sure and invite the hotel manager to your silly little cocaine party. Don't leave them out. Dope them up and lock them away until checkout time. Hey, quick announcement. We're adding butt plug ponytails to our service menu.

[00:28:25] Currently, we're looking for donations from Gingers with Curls for our new Piggy collection. Tired of your tail not mashing your carpet and your drapes? Well, we got you covered. We will color and texture match your tail to make sure that you are a complete beast. And with that, stay shitty. Be shitty. Piggy, Piggy. Erlebe diesen Sommer mit und Julia. Die ultimative Musical Party in Hamburg.

[00:28:55] I got the eye of the... Spare nur für kurze Zeit 30%. Sommer Tickets unter musicals.de Hey, listener persons. Thanks for listening. And if you like our show, please help us grow the podcast by giving us a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeart Radio, Amazon Prime, or wherever you get your favorite shit. It definitely helps our algorithm and it's free to do.

[00:29:24] If you'd like to get your story on our podcast, go to our website at shititoldmyhairdresser.com where you can get your voicemail on our show by using the green mic icon. Or you can send us an email at info at shititoldmyhairdresser.com. And if you like us, tell 10 of your friends. And if you hate us, tell 20. And remember, stay shitty, listener persons.